How I Met My Husband
Whew...Where do I start lol ! So I used to belong to a church called Believers Temple on 131st off of Corlett. To say the least it was most definitely a cult. They made me take out all my piercings and wear clothing that was loose fitting and not revealing in any way. Very controlling over friendships and relationships outside of the church. And extremely interested in controlling every aspect of everyday of your life not pertaining to the church as well. But that’s a different story for a different day. So to try to make a long story short I was having issues with my MacBook Pro, it wasn’t taking a charge and I wasn’t sure what the problem was. I made some calls to different members eventually leading me to my husband Caleb. I called him to see if he was free to run me to the Apple store and honestly the rest was history lol.
NAH I WON’T DO YOU GUYS LIKE THAT !
So continuing the story he tells me on the phone that he will give me a call the next day to let me know what his schedule is looking like. Fast forward to the next day he calls and tells me to be ready at a certain time. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember him calling me to tell me he was outside. I walk out of my building and get into the car. It was such an awkward ride because he kept trying to have a conversation with me the entire time and my breath was hot and on fire. I was mortified, so every now and then I would shake or nod my head to let him know I was Listening to him. This man could talk his ASS OFF lmbo. (For any of you that say my husband is quiet...STOP THE LIES). We arrive at some shopping plaza and drop my computer off to apple. We start walking around and looking for places to eat while we wait. We Hoth decided that everything there was way to expensive and decided to just stop at five guys before he dropped me back off at my apartment. By some point in the night I became so comfortable with him that I couldn’t stop talking. He was so intelligent and well spoken with so much to say. BUT HE WAS MARRIED ! So with that being said I knew that this wasn’t going anywhere but where it was at. I remember getting to five guys and him still talking. The conversation wasn’t getting boring and it felt refreshing to experience that with someone. That night when he dropped me off at my apartment we stayed him is 2 door, dark green Toyota Celica, talking until 3am. I remember looking up and saying to god “God I know that this is man is married so I obviously can’t have him, but could you please send me a husband just like this!” He was literally perfect ! At some point closely after me thinking that he goes on to tell me that he is separated from his wife and that they are no longer together. LORDDTTTT I THOUGHT THE HEAVENS HAD OPENED UP !! I thought god was trying to answer my prayers right then and there. After getting out of his car I remember walking back to my building giddy and in lust with this man. I was smitten and thought that man was fine as hell. In my eyes this was the first man I had fallen for since my “First Love.” I could definitely say I did not see that coming. After that day I believe he called me the next day or maybe 2 days later asking me to breakfast. Lunch followed and the rest was honestly history. WE BECAME INSEPARABLE. I didn’t realize how hurt he was though. I had never been with a man going through a seperation let alone a full on divorce. I wanted to be there for him and help him through that as much as I knew how. Big mistake people. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. He would unintentionally say or do things out of his character. me being so young I put myself in a position of demanding a title when he had not yet even processed the magnitude of what was going on in his own marriage and his own life. I started giving myself COMPLETELY to a man that didn’t even know what he wanted at that time. Being honest that can cause a lot of pain and unnecessary heart break. Ladies save yourself the heartache and just wait until they are single and have been for a while. It will psychologically fuck you up. I remember he would tell me he love me and then take it back because he “was confused” or “didn’t mean it.” He would go out of his way to be so kind and gentle with me though. Making me fall harder and harder for him as the “situatiobship” progressed rapidly. He was the first man to cook for me knowing he was struggling himself. when I say there wasn’t a damn thing I wouldn‘t do for that man I MEAN IT. I remember in the beginning of our relationship he would literally get up every day at like 3:30 in the morning to call me and pray for me before I went to work. There wasn’t a person in this world that can convince me that he wasn’t supposed to be my husband. That’s another thing I want to tell you ladies. Never and I mean NEVER assume that just because a man has previously been married or “knows better” that you are going to get the same thing out of him. Do not expect that either, especially from someone going thtough a breakup /seperation/divorce etc. Do not expect them to be thinking with a clear head. THEY ARE HURT AND HURTING. They are looking for someone to help ease the pain. This is probably where the term rebound came from. YALL KNOW I KEEP IT REAL. And YEAH I KNOW ITS FUCKED UP RIGHT. Moving along..Him and his wife ended up getting divorced not to long after that. NO THEY DID NOT DIVORCE BECAUSE OF ME. She had moved out and left him a while before he even met me. I fell pregnant with our first child quickly following that. No I’m not gonna sit here and say that after that everything was easy shit was an uphill climb. I feel like that’s when things got the hardest, that’s when we then had to decide after all the dust settled do we really want to be together, do we really want each other, was he really in love with me. OR WAS HE JUST HURT AND BROKEN and devastated over his separation and his divorce. We went through and fought through so much to get to where we are today. I’m telling you I could only have prayed for where we are today. It was nothing BUT GOD ! EVERYTHING HAPPENED WAY TO FAST And completely out of order. BUT....No I wouldn’t take anything back, but YES I would do a lot of things differently.
What I also want to say is that, seeing firsthand someone going through a divorce or separation sucks. Seeing it firsthand and seeing the pain, hurt, and confusion it causes is devastating. Having to try to walk someone through their emotions and help them get back on their feet is hard. But I knew my husband was a STRONG BLACK MAN. I told him daily that HE WAS WORTHY. I told him that he wasn’t a failure and that he would heal from this. When he was going through depression and having anxiety I prayed for him and over him and WITH HIM. I tried my damndest to build that black man up. Through that experience I also learned a hell of a lot about myself and my needs and wants. After seeing all that unfold infront of me told myself that a divorce was not something I was would ever even consider in my own marriage. I knew that I would never want to experience that myself nor put someone else though that. I told myself after seeing that, that I would fight with everything in me to make sure my marriage was strong, healthy and thriving in all aspects. I vowed to myself that I would not repeat the same things that he said he went through in his first marriage. I wanted to have great and open and EFFECTIVE communication. Those are the standards we still uphold in our marriage to this day.
Alright now let’s address the obvious ! Yes I coveted a married man, YES IT WASN’T right that he was still legally married to another woman. Yes I have lived and learned from that mistake and forgiven myself for that. Yes I condemned myself ALOT FOR MY ACTIONS. NO I did not know the magnitude of a covenant. Yes I thought that someone being separated or broken up from their significant other meant it was okay to pursue a new relationship! IT WAS ALL WRONG! YOU LIVE, you learn and you grow!