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The Diagnosis

Updated: Jun 30, 2020


I wasn’t going to talk about this, more so I guess because of the fact that I really didn’t know how to. Also because of the fact that it’s so new and I really didn’t know how my family and friends were gonna react to this news. And to be real as I’m typing this I have no idea when I’ll even be ready or comfortable to even release this blog. That’s completely unusual for me because I consider myself to be very extroverted, honest and raw in speaking my truth. So here goes...


So...Recently I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. Along with Anxiety and Hypomania. For those of you who do not understand or know what it is, here is the definition. Bipolar II disorder

Mania is not involved in bipolar II disorder. Instead, the illness involves recurring episodes of major depression and hypomania, a milder form of mania. In order to be diagnosed with bipolar II disorder, you must have experienced at least one hypomanic episode and one major depressive episode in your lifetime. In bipolar I disorder, a major depressive episode (one or more) usually occurs, but it is not required. Bipolar II disorder involves one or more major depressive episodes. Common symptoms that occur in a major depressive episode include:

  • Insomnia or hypersomnia

  • Unexplained or uncontrollable crying

  • Severe fatigue

  • Loss of interest in things the person typically enjoys

  • Recurring thoughts of death or suicide


If I’m being honest I can’t say it was something surprising or unexpected because my thoughts, actions and feelings had lead me to believe for quite some time that there was something a little off going on with me. I was Irritable and not so patient and mean in my household to my husband and my child. I was very snappy and was not who I wanted to be as a human being.I wasn’t who I remembered to be in the past. I was sleeping all the time and lacked motivation to do anything such as cleaning and things of that sort. Things that normally excited me or made me happy no longer did. I really didn’t have the motivation to entertain or have people over or be around friends, (which if you know me you know that that’s COMPLETELY unusual).i was over eating and over indulging to try and make myself feel “better”. I was seeking materials things and jewelry from my husband because they seemingly took my pain and frustration away at least for a little. I would say that my depression and bipolar reached a climax for me a few weeks ago. That’s when things got a little more daunting on me and started to affect me in my work life. For example I would be at work and start feeling extreme thoughts of sadness and loneliness. I for a few days straight became extremely hypersensitive to any criticism or thing that made me sad. I would overthink ANY & EVERYTHING. My depression got so bad at one point that it started to hit me randomly to the point that I would have to walk off of the floor and hide in a bathroom for 15-20 minutes at a time because I couldn’t stop crying.This happened to me at one point for 3 days in a row. I remember during one of these episode, opening up my notepad in my phone and literally typing out every single horrible thought and feeling running through my mind. I don’t know why In that moment I thought to do that but it made me feel better. It felt great to write down all those false and negative thoughts and to look back at them later on to tell myself that none of it was true. I needed that. In that moment I needed some type of positive release. I felt SO LONELY & ALONE. I would try to refrain from breaking down anytime someone asked me if I was ok. It was honestly starting to become an embarrassing nightmare. I hated the feeling of not being in control of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. All of it honestly just started to become completely overwhelming and exhausting ( also keeping in mind that I was still grieving the loss of my child). I honestly couldn’t think of anything I wanted more at that time then to be in control of my own thoughts feelings and emotions. I JUST WANTED TO FEEL NORMAL. Or at least what I considered to be Normal. WELL the good news is....My therapist told me, “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NORMAL”. We are all fighting and doing the best we can to cope with life day to day and deal with childhood and adult TRAUMA. We are all fighting for some kind of normalcy. THANK GOD FOR HER AND THOSE WORDS. Her along with my good friends Coretta, Sherifatu and of course my loving husband have done there damndest to help me get through some pretty dark times. I don’t know where I would be in this journey without them honestly. I feel like life has just been trying to do a number on me with the miscarriage, depression and the anxiety and bipolar disorder. But I’m fighting through it for sure. I took a LOA from work a little bit ago and honestly it’s been so refreshing to gather my thoughts and clear my head. I’ve been in such a good headspace and just thriving and able to focus on things that make EBONY HAPPY. I’m so happy I get to write and work on my blog or as I call it “My Open Conversation”. I am so grateful and happy that I get to share my thoughts and life with you guys. I hope this blog finds you well and helps to shed a little more light on who I REALLY AM!

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